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"Jesus, Mary and Baby Joseph -- I reckon the whole dang world wants to find Cortez today!"
―Freddie Mellon[src]

The son of Dottie Mellon, Freddie provides the maintenance around the Mercury Theatre. He seems to be somewhat simple, and appears to have watched too many John Wayne movies. April Ryan meets him sweeping up on the street outside the Mercury, occasionally whacking the marquee with his broom to stop the light from going out. He knows Cortez, and has obviously been dodging questions from Frank Minelli regarding his whereabouts. When Minelli spits out the 'poisoned' candy April gives him, the sweet hits Freddie on the back of the head (he describes it as feeling like a rock: nothing but the best at the Fringe Cafe, clearly) and he chases Minelli angrily down the street with a broom, allowing April to recover the detective's hat.

To get into the Mercury, April sets off the fire alarm, then uses some stacked rubbish in silhouette and Constable Guybrush to create a little illusion. When Freddie comes to put out the fire, he sees what appears to the shadow of a gunman on the alleyway wall. He's fooled into thinking Minelli has returned, and is taking his revenge by making Freddie do the Monkey Dance at gunpoint, allowing April to sneak past into the theatre. Happily, he's gone by the time April and Cortez return to the alleyway.

According to a monologue on the original TLJ website (reproduced below) Freddie has an anger management problem, which seems to have resulted in him deliberately lighting a building fire that resulted in the deaths of many people. Despite criticism from unknown quarters, Freddie was released due to good behaviour and returned to work at the Mercury, although the scandal appears to have halted all patronage save for that of Cortez.


Freddie Mellon is voiced by John Henry Cox.



The original TLJ website had this intro to Freddie and the Mercury Theatre:

"I reckon, if it's movies you want, you come to the right place, ah-huh. We got movies up on the silver screen most every day, thas right. Good movies, too, ah-huh. Ole movies. With real human actors -- none of them fake 'uns they got these days.

"I tell you what, I'll have my Momma run somethin' special for youse today, thas right. Somethin' real good. We ain't got a whole hell of a lot of customers, y'see, on account of the incident some years back, ah-huh. Now, they let me out and they say I am much better now, but some people don't let bygones be bygones, y'hear? No, they have to keep writin' about that fire, and question them doctors that let me out early, just 'cause I was a good boy on the inside.

"So I killed me a whole lot of people. That don't mean I'm bad. It's just that sometimes, I git a little angry, thas all. I let my temper git away with me. My Momma, she forgive me. She even let me have my old job back. But ever since then, we ain't been gettin' a whole hell of a lot of customers. And that kinda makes me angry.

"I reckon thas life, though. I don't care 'bout no body 'cept my Momma, and my job. Just you take a look at that pavement I been sweepin', ah-huh. I tell you what, thas clean enough for any princess to eat off of. Here, you try. You try eatin' off the pavement. I reckon you won't be needin' a plate no more.

"Hey, didn't y'hear what I said, ah-huh? I tole you to eat off the pavement. Hey -- hold on there! Come back here! I reckon I'll whoop your ass right good if you don't come back here this minute!"

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